Jelouse and Envy: an emotional schema approach

The Emotional Schema Model proposes that all emotions are based on evolutionary adaptation in a world where competition for resources, power, or procreation determine ultimate “fitness”. In this Keynote I describe how we can understand two sometimes overwhelming emotions—jealousy and envy. Jealousy is always about three people—where the third person is viewed as a threat to a valued relationship. Envy is about fears of losing status, where another person’s success is viewed as a threat to one’s own self-esteem. Jealousy will be discussed in terms of evolutionary theory (parental investment model), universal patterns of defense against threat to attachment, core beliefs about self, maladaptive coping (reassurance-seeking, testing, withdrawing, punishing, interrogating, restraining), intolerance of uncertainty, and thought-action fusion. We will review a case conceptualization, normalize this intense emotion, link jealousy to values, examine how jealous behavior interferes with a valued relationship, distinguish between productive and unproductive worry and jealousy, use detached mindfulness to accept intrusive thoughts while not acting on them, evaluate how personal schemas are related to jealousy, and enhance independence and self-care. Finally, we will examine how to decatastrophize loss, relinquish safety behaviors, embrace acceptance and elaborate multiple meanings in life. Individuals are more likely to experience envy when the target behavior is valued by them, they believe it is possible that they might achieve these goals, they view the target of envy as “undeserving”, and they value status and recognition. Envy is associated with depression, anger, anxiety, rumination, and interpersonal hostility. We will review the evolutionary adaptive value of envy (dominance hierarchies, social rank theory), the fundamental concern for fairness, schemas related to status, maladaptive “coping” (undermining the “competition” and avoidance of competitors), rumination, complaining, and self-critical thinking. The integrative clinical model includes the following: normalizing envy, validating envy to decrease shame and guilt, relating envy to positive values, focusing on turning envy into admiration and emulation, differentiating the self-concept beyond a focus on one dimension, and acceptance of envy while acting on valued goals. In addition, we will examine how we can modify dysfunctional beliefs about social comparison (Labeling (“He’s a winner, I am a loser”); Fortune-telling (“She will continue to advance, I will fall behind”); Dichotomous thinking (“You either win or lose”); Discounting positives (“The only thing that counts is getting ahead”); and Catastrophizing (“It’s awful not to be ahead of others”). Finally, we will review a case conceptualization of a case of depressive and anxious envy.